We love to hear feedback from Squatch Nation. It helps us come up with new products, address concerns, provide better service, and just generally get better. It also makes us laugh. A lot. We figured you probably like getting a chuckle in too and we’re down to share. Here’s a roundup of 10 of the funniest recent product reviews from Squatch Nation.
1. “He protecc, he attac, but most importantly, he makes my favorite bathtime snacc.” – Anakin Swinger Facebook
How many times do we have to say it? Please don’t eat the Choccy Milk bricc. You can’t. (Ok, fine, maybe just a little bite.)
2. “Squatch to the rescue! Both the smell and taste of the toothpaste remind me of childhood visits to Miami when botanical products were present in the guest bath. The package is soothing and playful. As for results, I’m pretty sure my teeth are whiter within one week and I get a little kick of Vitamin B to start my day!” – Amos M – Toothpaste
Thank you for sharing this oddly specific childhood memory Will Smith. We’re confused but grateful for sure. Bienvenidos a Miami.
3. “Smells good. I like the exfoliating things, lathers really well also. The wife also liked the way I smelled and felt. My balls enjoyed it as well. I’d write a longer review but I need to finish chopping this wood for the fireplace for sexy time later. Thanks again.” Josh S. – Pine Tar Bricc
Weird flex, but ok. Tell your wife and your balls we say “you’re welcome”.
4. “My pimples are better and I feel cleaner.” – James B. – Shampoo
Hmm. You might be doing that whole shampoo thing wrong but who cares, you’re doing great pal!
5. “I bought this for my hubby. I love for him to smell good, but not the fake, “I’m headed to the club” type good. I like a manly outdoorsman (minus the body odor). This fresh fir scent beard oil does the trick. This leaves his beard super soft and manageable and bonus….makes me want to climb him like a tree.” – Mary M. – Fresh Fir Beard Oil
At Dr. Squatch we take a lot of pride in single-handedly saving marriages day in and day out, happy to help Mary.
6. “There’s nothing like a good ol’ fashion shave! The shaving soap bar gives you a nice smooth shave with aromatic outdoorsy smells. close your eyes and you’d swear you were nekkid in the woods somewhere. The only thing missing is a straight razor w/ a leather sharpening strap, lemme know if you guys ever start selling those…” – Kevin P. – Shave Kit
Wait, so you’re naked in the woods and need a straight razor and a leather strap? *Dials 911*
7. “I discovered Dr. Squatch just accidentally stumbling on one of their ads while on Facebook. It was nothing less than divine squatch intervention! I ordered the three-pack sampler. When the shipment arrived by SquatchEx, I stayed awake all night hitting trees with sticks, making howling sounds, and throwing rocks at unsuspecting passers-by anticipating the experience. I tried the Pine Tar first, and I have not been disappointed! It is a squatchsome soap that left me feeling like I had just hiked naked up a pine-tree-covered mountain with my pet bear (on his leash, of course). If you’re a manly man (like me), you really will like these soaps! Find your inner Squatch and get ‘em. They have my HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION!” – Reuben B – Amazon Pine Tar Bricc
Reuben, you are a handsome patriot. We are delighted to award you this “Squatch Poet Laureate” award for your glorious contribution not only to literature but to the world at large. Speaking of bears, in the words of Baxter, Ron Burgundy’s furry gentleman, we will tell tales of your compassion.
8. “The last few months of my relationship have been a little rough, but thanks to Dr. Squatch I was able to spice things up and get everything back on track. When you have been together for a few years, things start to get a little bland and I had read on the internet in multiple places that the fault was on my spouse. Ignoring all that information I decided I needed to make small changes to try to make her more interested in me. I started by changing from Boxer Briefs to Tighty Whities, that did not go well. I changed the part in my hair, only a small comment. Changing my toothpaste worked to get me a few extra kisses, but that was not the holy grail I was looking for. As a man I am not supposed to admit that I crave the occasional cuddle and that was what I had been missing for the past few months. I realized that I had to do something drastic and so I searched the internet for the best product money could buy, a 1500 dollar bottle of perfume. Surely a scent that expensive has to be effective. I was about to hit the buy button when in the corner of my browser something caught my eye. An item endorsed by a Doctor of Cryptozoological proportions. I knew right then and there that if a Sasquatch could get his P.h.D then this had to be the soap for me. And boy was it ever. Now with the lovely scent of Bay Rum emanating from my body my wife never seems to want to stop the cuddles. We both think it is the best smelling soap I have ever bought and it makes my rough skin feel smooth. Thank you Dr. Squatch for making this soap and saving my marriage. I fully recommend this product to any man, woman, person or cryptozoological creature that feels the need to add a little spice to their life. TLDR – I wanted more cuddles, Dr. Squatch provided the answer better than any other body wash I have used before. “ – Jonathan – Amazon Bay Rum Bricc
Wow, lot’s to unpack here Jonathan. Uh, you’re welcome? TLDR: I guess we all can agree that spice is nice. Also, shout out Scrabble triple word score for your usage of “cryptozoological”.
9. “My only complaint about this is, when I drop the soap in the shower, I always hope Mike will come up behind me….but alas…” Robert T. – Nautical Sage Bricc
We spoke to Mike and he says: “Thank you for the compliment, I appreciate it. But, unfortunately, I’m taken.” *turns off Al Green Spotify playlist*
10. “Like they say, have a grapefruit every morning. Why not smell like a grapefruit every morning. It is like two in one. You are winning with both situations which are solutions.” – Daniel S. – Grapefruit IPA Bricc
Do they say that? Who specifically? *checks notes*. We’re not totally convinced that they say that, but we are convinced that Daniel is a man who appreciates both winning and solutions, and we can definitely get behind that.
So there you have it, a roundup of some of the review magic you’re sending our way. Keep ‘em coming Squatch Nation. We love hearing it all, the good, the bad, the, uh, weird. We don’t judge.